Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) Review

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Halloween Review #2 (I realize I’m a bit behind, I’m trying to play catch-up.)

Plot: A young woman travels to Texas to collect an inheritance; little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward.

Well, it’s that time again. Another remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre has come out, granted very early this year, but it is Halloween time now and I thought it’d be the perfect time to attack this full force. Horror remakes, they are usually awful. Why this film is getting remade again is beyond me, the 2003 version with Jessica Biel was awful, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning” was even worse somehow. And now here we are again, with another remake. They really should leave classics alone! The very first original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, with it’s grindhouse style and low-budget charm is one of the greatest horror films ever made.

Hell, even “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2”, with character actor extraordinaire Dennis Hopper, is better than most of the modern horror movies that come out nowadays. There are some very good ones that come out, but it is rare that a horror movie so exceptional to come out now. “Dark Skies” was an exception to that rule, I was expecting something sorta okay, sorta bad but I was very surprised at how much I enjoyed it. “Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil” was another exception, infact I included it on my personal list of best horror films ever for it’s blend of gore and wacky dark comedy. And now we’re stuck with this film. This..bad film.

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To start off, the performances in this film were mainly unextraordinary, just passing for this sort of film. The only one out of the young cast I seemed to recognize, and who actually stood out somewhat was Scott Eastwood, who played a character named Carl. Musician Trey Songz, of which I am not too familiar with, gave a passable but annoying performance as Tremaine. Dan Yeager aptly played legendary chainsaw wielding murderer Leatherface, but I will get into how much I disliked the new way Leatherface was shaped into a little later. Some of the cast of the very first “TCM” movie made appearances, some actually appearing and some in archival appearances, which I was very very happy about, namely horror icon Gunnar Hansen playing crooked sheriff character Boss Sawyer.

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The screenplay, written by a numerous bevy of people, was sadly bad to say the least. Many many cliches were thrown abound an annoying and badly spun story, and not even in the so bad it’s good charming way either. There was no classic grindhouse charm to this film, the jump-scares were meager at best and the feeling of creepiness was barely there. And then there was the way they portrayed Leatherface. Pitiful. Just pitiful. They made him like he was an aging, down-on-his luck depressed superhero who attends Comic-Con to find little moments were he actually mattered. Which is a bad metaphor basically meaning it’s gotten sad.

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This was directed by John Luessenhop, whose most famous movie was “Takers”, a movie that is somehow even worse, so you can see that his direction of suspense and horror is going to be very mediocre at best. The cinematographer who handled this did a pretty good job, and the special effects team handling the gore did an exceptional job with that but overall this directorial effort was not too well done. Which is a shame, because with a properly written script this remake could’ve actually worked.

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In conclusion, “Texas Chainsaw 3D” is just a bad remake plain and simple. A horribly muddled script with a not-so-charming, bland story, a ridiculous cast whose only support is from a team of horror icons, which I was actually happy about, and bad direction keep this from being a remake that would work. This really could’ve worked, but with the way they portrayed Leatherface I’m kind of glad it didn’t. If you want something to watch that you can sit there and make fun of the entire time, this is up your alley, but if you want a modern horror film that is actually a great movie, might I suggest Jennifer Chambers Lynch’s 2012 film “Chained”.

My Rating: 3/10

Thanks for Reading!

tc3dbigw

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) Review

  1. Thanks for this great review, I was on the fence about giving this film my time and you’ve helped me decide to give it a miss! I’m also gonna check out your film suggestion, cheers 😀

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